22nd January 2021
On June 6, 2010, Phyllis Lyon and I came together for an NPR StoryCorp program and, as always, our conversation shifted effortlessly between the personal and the political. We talked about The Daughters of Bilitis and The Ladder magazine, their revolutionary book, Lesbian/Woman, gay marriage, activist burn-out, changing one’s mind.
While we were at it, we shared our “origin stories” with each other. Phyl’s recollections of her first encounters with Del Martin, the love of her life and comrade-in-arms, are vintage Lesbiana. That’s just the first ten minutes of our conversation, posted on my YouTube Channel.
It was a remarkable gift to come out as a lesbian in the nurturing presence of these blazing lesbian feminists, Del Martin & Phyllis Lyon. I was sixteen years old and in love with my best friend when I discovered The Ladder, a magazine edited by both women for The Daughters of Bilitis. As I read each issue from cover to cover, over and over again, I began a journey of discovering and uncovering my lesbian self on solid self-affirming ground, even in the pervasive homophobic environment of the early 1960s.
I met Phyl face-to-face ten years later at an early concert fund-raiser I did for the Inez Garcia Defense Fund in San Francisco. It quite literally took my breath away when I looked out into the audience and saw my role model of lesbian feminist activism joyfully singing along with the audience — and me! — during a chorus of “The Unicorn Song.”
And speaking of whimsy… In the thirty-five years we knew each other, I recall one dinner in particular at Del and Phyllis’ house. As we sat down to eat, Phyllis was quick to draw attention to the water glasses: she had just discovered ice cube molds in the shape of small frogs!
Our friendship evolved over thirty-five years, in the context of our shared commitment to progressive feminist activism. It’s all here in poignant reminiscence, moments of deep mutual appreciation, laughter, and occasional commentary that is now historical rather than current reality (it was 2010, after all… before the Windsor decision!).
For three decades, Del and Phyllis brought their visionary activism as I brought my woman-loving music and commentary to women’s conferences, festivals and conventions across America. We sought each other out at these gatherings, stood next to each other at political receptions, sat next to each other at group dinners in noisy restaurants. I grew up and grew old with them.
As Phyllis navigated the last years of her life, I was fortunate to be a part of a sweet circle of us who came together and held her close. I’ll tell you this: her “smarty pants” humor never left her. Neither did her edgy defiance and fierce insistence on autonomy. Phyllis Lyon was a force to be reckoned with.
Visit my YouTube Channel when you have time for a moment — and a moment in time — to meet my dear lesbian mother, Phyllis Lyon. And while you’re there, take a look at four historic video clips from 1975: Meg Christian, Margie Adam, Cris Williamson, and Holly Near — “An Evening of Women’s Music.”.
Onward & Outward!
